Math Problem

Fit me in ur car!

Times: Then & Now

Apology Letter

Mr. Tax-Payer

Terms & Conditions

The Car Story

Monday to Friday

Say Thank You

Can i hv a bite?

"unique?"

Yikes....Walking Table..!!

Sunday Blues

"The Resume Reality"

"Every Dog has its day"

"The Scar(f)y Story"

"In case you don't know"

"Historical Facebook"

"Fruit Salad"

"The Ultimate Rejection Letter"

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109
Dear Professor Millington,
Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

"Safe Enough, eh?"

"True Story"

"Camera Files"

"Monday to Friday"

"Hay-Wire"

So...which wire you said had problem?

"To Smoke or Not to Smoke"

" Do you Wi-Fi "

"Personal Choices, eh?/"

From..Occupy the Wall Street

"Make sure you read the guidelines first"

 

"Protein for the Hair"

 

"......."

 

"The Bear Chair"

 

Break Down The Wall!!

 

There....I fixed it..!!

 

"I'm glad we haven't reached here as yet..."

"So That's what that really means"

Some Stupid Legal Warnings!

1. Child-size Superman and Batman costumes come with this warning label: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

2. A clothes iron comes with this caution: "Warning: Never iron clothes on the body." Ouch!

3. The instructions for a medical thermometer advise: "Do not use orally after using rectally."

4. The side of a Slush Puppy cup warns: "This ice may be cold." The only thing dumber than this would be a disclaimer stating: "No puppies were harmed in the making of this product."

5. The box of a 500-piece puzzle reads: "Some assembly required."

6. A Power Puff Girls costume discourages: "You cannot save the world!"

7. A box of PMS relief tablets has this advice: "Warning: Do not use if you have prostate problems."

8. Cans of Easy Cheese contain this instruction: "For best results, remove cap."

9. A warning label on a nighttime sleep-aid reads: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

10. Cans of self-defense pepper spray caution: "May irritate eyes."

11. Both boys and girls should read the label on the Harry Potter toy broom: "This broom does not actually fly."

"35 things to do while driving" (True Story!!)

1. Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged.

2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Headbang.

3. Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling.

4. Two words: Chicken suit.

5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it
looks like blood, the better.

6. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Watch in rearview mirror as toll collector
tries to explain to next driver.

7. Laugh. Laugh a lot. A whooooole lot.

8. Stop at the green lights.

9. Go at the red ones.

10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof.
Feel free to make it dance.

11. Eat food that requires silverware.

12. Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put  sneakers on
your hands, and lean the seat back as you drive.

13. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear,
suddenly lock your doors.

14. Honk frequently without motivation.

15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an offended and angry look as if
they gave you an obscene gesture.

16. At stop lights, ask people if they have any Grey Poupon.

17. Let pedestrians know who’s boss.

18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.

19. Restart your car at every stop light.

20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them
lovingly.

21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.

22. Keep at least five cats in the car.

23. Squeegee your windshield at every stop.

24. If an firetruck comes up behind you, pull over, get on the roof of your car, and do
a cheer for them as they pass!

25. Compliment other drivers on their skill and finesse.

26. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.

27. Stop and collect roadkill.

28. Stop and pray for roadkill.

29. Stop and cook roadkill. (If in Tennessee.)

30. Throw Spam. Tape signs on windows protesting email abuse.

31. Get in the fast lane and gradually… slow… down… to…a stop. Then get out and
watch the cars.

32. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.

33. Drive off an exit ramp, ask for directions to the town you’re in. When they tell
you you’re there, look confused, glance at your map, laugh, and exclaim, "Oh! Wrong
state!"

34. Sing without having the radio on.

35. At stop lights, run out of your car, place pylons around you, then gather them back
up as the light changes and drive off…

"In case of Emergency"

"How-to: Moss Graffiti"

"All in One"

"Plan B"

"Big Deal?/"

Miraculous...isnt it?/

"LOL"

"Intimidation Levels"

"Elevator Diaries"

" So how do I Tennis, huh?? "

"Problem Gambling"

During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed...

... "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." 
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. 

Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, and urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. 

But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

"Hey there..."

"Now that's how you escape a speeding ticket"

"The Bag Story"